Some 4,300 big-firm lawyers lost their jobs in the first half of 2009. My husband was one of them.

An employment litigator at one of the nation’s largest law firms, Pete was let go in June. Which meant that I spent the first few weeks of our kids’ summer vacation deliberately racking up medical expenses so I could drain our flexible spending account (which disappeared on his last day of work) — and debating my role in managing the crisis.

Before this, I had always felt blissfully secure knowing that his paycheck was being deposited into our bank account every other week. Sure, I didn’t like the hours he worked, but his steady employment offered a lot of perks. I knew I was lucky.

I was able to leave my job as a newspaper reporter to be a stay-at-home mom for several years. And when I was ready to work again, I was able to jump back in a way that balanced our family’s needs: Our children had a nearly fulltime mom, and, during the school day and after bedtime, I was able to devote myself to freelancing magazine stories, writing a book and blogging about work/life balance.

But the job loss threw a wrench in the whole thing — and left me worried and unsure. Where was I most needed, at work or at home? Neither Pete nor I knew.

We wondered: Should I go back to a 9-to-5 job (an almost laughable prospect, considering the state of the newspaper industry) — and leave my hours of book writing and blogging for late, late night? The mere thought made my stomach sink. I’d have to relegate our children to several hours of after-school care each day (Pete was job hunting full time and still doing work for one of his clients), find babysitters to fill in on days off, give up volunteer commitments at school — and learn to get by on even less sleep. I had a lot of passion for my existing projects — but was that enough if they weren’t covering the bills?

I needed to do more. I began poking around to see who was hiring.

As I did, the stress mounted. I worried that I wouldn’t find anything. But even more, I worried that I would.

One of our children receives occupational therapy once a week; who would drive her and keep up with the therapies? What about when a teacher needed to see me after school — and I wasn’t there? How would I keep up with the book, the blog and the magazine pieces, all part of a project I truly love — and to which I am fully committed? I had methodically designed my life to fit these goals and, even though I know plenty of women who successfully juggle office and home, I couldn’t imagine how I would. Not without some sort of personally devastating sacrifice.

It can feel nearly impossible to find balance in the face of job loss. The focus sometimes becomes mere survival; those things about which we are so passionate can take a back seat.

Fortunately, I stopped panicking long enough to realize that I had a little more time. Our situation wasn’t so desperate that I needed to abandon my priorities immediately. Soon, perhaps, but not immediately. I could afford to continue working from home by taking on extra freelance.

Shortly after I figured this out, Pete joined a new law firm. Saved by the proverbial bell. Things aren’t as secure as they once were — the recession has taken quite a toll on everyone — but we have the breathing room to focus our efforts in a way that reflects our priorities.

I can’t help but wonder how things would have worked out if I’d been forced to launch a another full-time career, one that took me outside the home and stole some of the control I now enjoy. (And I imagine it would have been a new career; newspapers are worse off than big law firms). How would I have finished my book? Who would have driven my daughter to OT? I know things would have been fine in the end; Plenty of people make this work. We would have figured it out.

But the truth is: I’m glad we didn’t have to, not like this. — Becky

How has the recession taken a toll on YOUR ability to balance? Have you been forced to question your work choices — or make ones that you would have preferred to avoid? How do you find balance in the face of job loss?

We want to wish a very Happy New Year to all of our readers who are celebrating Rosh Hashana. Here’s to a good and sweet year!